No regrets

listening to : "Last Goodbye" by The Kills 

This is my literally the last day at the Lycee, tomorrow I'll be leaving.

I am not sad, as I had it with sleeping alone and I want to breathe in the scent of warm wood

that always fills the apartment I share with my guy. I want to embrace him and feel home again...

But it is a bit weird imagining that I won't be walking these stairs, or sharing tea and jokes with the office ladies here or talking a little promenade through the park. 

I will miss them. 

As I have been painting so much and as I don't have any cadeaux or presents, I decided to

give my paintings away. Some of them are already taken, but I'll feel free to post the others here:

On Selfies

 

Selfie after Magnum ice treat

So I was feeling kind of down today. More like very depressed. I did what I usually refreign from doing: Stuffing myself with chocolate cookies and sweetened coffee from the vending machine. But it didn´t help me one bit. Instead I felt worse. After work I stepped outside. I noticed the delightful breeze and the trees swaying in the sunshine. "Maybe it isn`t so bad after all.." I started taking photos, of myself, my sourroundings. And it made me feel so much better. This in turn left me feeling embarassed - was I really that shallow and superficial? 

I have been reading various opinions & articles on this, my favourite by far being 

this one by Dr John Grohol .



He states another psychologist named Shelly Turkle. She writes:
" These days, when people are alone, or feel a moment of boredom, they tend to reach for a device. In a movie theater, at a stop sign, at the checkout line at a supermarket and, yes, at a memorial service, reaching for a device becomes so natural that we start to forget that there is a reason, a good reason, to sit still with our thoughts: It does honor to what we are thinking about. It does honor to ourselves. "


I could relate to this statement somewhat, but I think it depends wether you have problems fitting in or 
if you are perfectly fine living in this fast-paced world of ours. Admittedly I have a problem with adapting, so my nostalgic moments are plenty. 
Everybody needs to find their own truths.

I myself will take care in the future to have better insight and stop and think for a moment. After all - the Selfie cannot cure my depression, it can only make me feel good for a moment.

Broken into two

listening to: Sky full of stars - Coldplay

Sweet Sarah <3

Sarah left for Quebec yesterday...Booohoo!

I feel really lonely, it was so much fun having her around. No matter if it was when getting lost, calling the GPS names, laughing at strange french habits, hearing her say "Tabernacle!" in that typical accent, talking about sex and relationships, getting all hyped up about nature and its divine beauty, singing Coldplay at the top of our lungs...

I'll just have to assure myself this isn't forever and I can visit her - which I definately will be doing!!! I have always wanted to visit Canada, and if it's Quebec - why not? Now that I can speak french quite well, there shouldnt be any problem. Am actually proud of myself for coming this far - I will just keep moving forward at my pace, but admit to myself that I have actually achieved things and try to feel good about it. What a revelation! I should just do that. This is why I love writing, you can ultimately find out things about your self.. ^^

Well, before she had to leave we went all out. First we visited the Chateau d'Angers. Although I had already been there, I could show her around and this time there was a tour taking place by the apocalyptic tapestries so I got to learn something new. Next we went looking for a vinyard and winecave. Although we had to come back in the afternoon it was certainly worth it and I bought a bottle of Rose de Loire and some Moelleux white wine, which tastes a lot like mead and has this cool and sweet honey flavour. 

at the vinyard - they mix slate with the earth here



wine cellar with oak casks

It was fantastic. And our guide, an elderly french woman, was very patient and took the time to explain that it takes only the sugar in the grapes to ferment and make the wine what it is. Well, she admittedly had a laughing fit after Sarah asked her if there was an entirely chemical reaction to it. Was it that funny? I mean, I know how beer, whiskey and cider is made, but wine?
At least she assured me that living in Bavaria makes it entirely ok to prefer unsweetened drinks, Sarah apparently adores those. I would rather have an ale, a Guiness or a dry cider, something bitter and not overly sweet. Cultural differences are only insignificant if you are friends...Goodbye Sarah!

♪ Cause you're a sky, you're a sky full of stars - I'm gonna give you my heart! ♪

little leftover sadness...

  Our class trip to Barcelona was so nice, I already miss that feeling.

  To be honest - I'm currently out of school. I can't help being annoyed that I had to fail. 

  And somehow, there is a lot holding me back at the moment. I should be

  looking for a job in France right now, to improve my skills, so that I can repeat the exam

  successfully. But my current state of mind is a shambles, my sister is in mental care, my mother

  always ill & hurting. I just feel like breaking free - but I admit I'm a little scared.